I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
