My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Randomize
