We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
