Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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