does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
