I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
