Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
