These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
