So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize