I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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