I puked a lego.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
