i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
