Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
