ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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