Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
