I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
