I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
