You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
