PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
