she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
