explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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