1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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