He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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