roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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