how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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