Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
