you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
