my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The uberlube is also flammable
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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