i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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