in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
