why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
