I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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