Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
