she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
