i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
