I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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