i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
