Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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