would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
