STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
