Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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