I'm so fucking centered right now
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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