Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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