i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
