We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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