So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
