I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
