it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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