its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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