How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
