Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
